boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
