I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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