I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
