ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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