I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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