it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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