Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize