He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
