i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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