If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
