I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
