i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
