how can u be prego again
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
