Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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