How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
