Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
