Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
