I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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