What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I could fuck to npr.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
