help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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