True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
