I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
