dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
