Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
