U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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