the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
