He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
