I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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