we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she smelled like a LAN party
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
