I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
