Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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