do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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