I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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