he puts the penis in happiness.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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