uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
