anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
