Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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