Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found your dick twin last night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
