Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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