K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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