He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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