There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize