How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
