Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My vagina is officially offended.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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