ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
