It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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