think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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