We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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