they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
