I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
