tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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