I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dignity is for republicans.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
