I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
