After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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