Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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