i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
