Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
