There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
