I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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