My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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