My liver just broke up with me...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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