she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
