Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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