I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
