Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
