Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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